Woop-woop! That’s the sound of da police.
Woop-woop! That’s the sound of da beast.
Yes, that’s a 1976 Porsche 911 SC Targa with its blues bolted to the b-pillar (twos are up the front, inboard from the low-slung fog lamps), plus a rough as guts wingnut for fine adjustment. Where its racing number should be, there’s a ‘SOS 901’, and it’s got a huge hazard orange stripe on its bonnet, which (I think) marks it as federal police, along with the white exterior.
I was pretty blasted after a couple of hours Ferrari-ing, and really didn’t do this glorious work of art justice in my photos, but because I’m in Mode: Hoonage! lately, here are some stats: It’s a rear-wheel drive (duh!) 3-litre flat 6, putting down a not-unimpressive for what it was 231 bhp, to mow down classy international thieves on the Belgian equivalent of the Autobahn at 242 km/h. The back seat (and I’m using that term loosely) was mostly replaced by a crate of emergency gear. As for why a Targa over, say, a normal 911, this was so the passenger cop could stand up, turn around, grab the massive b-pillar, and wave instructions at the following cars. Seriously. That’s why Targa.
After a couple of hours of Autoworld Brussels’ Ferrari 70 Years madness — where I spent an unholy amount of lust on the F40 (yes, Frances, yes, ‘Brutal’) — I was looking for a quick digestif in the form of a GT40. Who’d’a known Autoworld … Rotates. Its autos.
No GT40 for you, Mme Frances. How about a Porsche 906? In the exact same spot? How about fuck, yeah?
’60s sci-fi dreaming of a future they got and we didn’t. My, this is a pretty set of wheels. And it’s road legal. Yay to FIA’s homologation rules giving us something this bonkers you could drive to the shop in for morning milk. How about some stats to go with the smell of victory?
This is chassis-number 906-128, with the racing number 148, under which it won the Targa Florio on May 8, 1966, driven by Willy Mairesse (Belgium) and Herbert Müller (Switzerland). It’s a rear-wheel drive, 2 litre, flat-6, putting down 210 bhp at 8000 rpm for a top speed of 280 km/h, and weighs a mere 580kg. It looks like something from the Jetsons, if the Jetsons were brawlers and Jane ditched George. I like very much how the two times I’ve been to Autoworld, they’ve populated this one spot with automotive mayhem. Porsche 906, for when my other car is a GT40.
I only went to Autoworld Brussels’ Ferrari 70 Years to see the F40, so I could make a post quoting Kathryn from Iain Banks’ novel, The Business. I worked it all out in my head in the middle of the night. I would photograph the mad rear wing with ‘F40’ on it and have that right below, “‘I never drove the F40.’ He sounded like a disappointed schoolboy. ‘What’s it like?’ ‘Brutal.’” Brutal. I thought I was so fucking clever. It was worth it.
But if you’re coming here looking to perv on an F40, you’re in the wrong place: the F40 got its own, brutal gallery post, plus an extra special post ’cos it’s just so bonkers. You can find it here though, in the background of at least seven photos, if you’re desperate for some rear wing action; playing Spot the F40 is going to keep youse happy if all the rest of Ferrari hoonage does not.
I like the smell of Autoworld. I like the smell of cars and engines, fuel, brake fluid, oil and other lubricants and hydrocarbons, and the smell of all that being roasted and cooked when it gets raced. The biggest disappointment was no open engine bays. I could tolerate the lack of access to gated shifters — at least there’s glass to look through, but all those glorious engines and transmissions hidden away under metal and composite? Nope. I also wanted more supercars of the Enzo, LaFerrari or FXX K type — and they really should have just called it FUC K and be done with it. Ferrari FUC K. Probably more of a Lamborghini name. Also more track hoonage. Yes, it’s only 45 or so cars, but I’m petty and love seeing GTs slammed and grimed. I got some of my jollies with the burning yellow 430 GT 3 Scuderia and more with the intimidating red-and-white striped 308 GTB4. Also the silver Ecurie Francochamps 250 GT SWB with fat yellow number circles, which had pride of place in the hall.
I always — obviously — associate Ferrari with the colour red, Italian Rosso Corsa. It’s as beautiful and recognisable as British Racing Green or Bleu de France (of course Germany’s colour is silver, which is why I only remember it as an absence of colour amidst these other three). But Ferrari also does an unholy yellow, a black like the existential void itself, and occasionally, infrequently, sublime metallic browns, blues, and silvers, more often in the ’50s and ’60s, but occasionally returning later, like on the Testarossa with its ’80s dark, metallic steel-grey idea of a science-fiction future. And all this colour is so dense and deep. Light doesn’t bounce off the surface, it goes through the layers and comes back changed. It’s one of the signifiers of high-end cars, this paintwork, like the difference between laminate wood flooring and butchering an endangered, 1000 year-old Kauri for planks.
On light, Autoworld is a vast, arched, skeletal hanger full of natural light. Most of this is diffuse, and with the exception of some pockets on the wings, ridiculously easy to photograph in. The Ferrari exhibition though, at the far end where all the windows are curtained off, relies on artificial light, and being Ferrari, that meant bombing all that paintwork and metal with red LEDs, which rotated through a faintly sick yellow and lugubrious blue. Lucky, enough natural light flooded in, but it occurred to me that unlike art museums, where — in the best examples — light is so sensitively considered as to allow the work itself to be seen as it is, car museums seem to take the post-techno rave / chill-out room approach to lighting, as if all this monstrous and awesome machine art is in need of a boost. Which human eyes amazingly can adapt for, but cameras tend to freak out. So the reds sometimes look like a bloodbath dipped in a bloodbath, and the yellows lost all hope.
Unlike my usual museum-ing — which I admit has gotten way out of hand, and I’ve been trying to find ways to reel in while still giving large collections their due — I decided to do little to no editing of the photos. For a long time I’ve been committed to the camera doing the work, but accepting the necessity of post-processing to deal with lens distortion and off-kilter stuff, along with sometimes painstaking cleanup of glare and colour balance. Here, I’ve done some minor, rapid colour adjustments (yellows, I’m looking at you), on some photos, and left it at that. I’m not claiming the results are faithful to Ferrari or the museum, but it’s more-or-less what my camera and I grabbed on the day.
Speaking of yellow, the Dino 246 GT rotating on a turntable is beyond glorious, and I might even have designs on coveting it more than the F40. But the car that impressed on me the truly hellish nature of Ferrari and these kind of cars in general is the deep metallic night-blue 275 GTS from 1965, first owned by Raquel Welch. It’s a front-engined convertible, with a V-12 throwing out 260 bhp at 7000 rpm to the rear wheels for a top speed of 250 km/h. The photos don’t really convey how diminutive and delicate it is, a rag-top roof with seats that barely come up to shoulder-height, slung low on wide tires, how easy would it be for those rear wheels to cut loose and utterly destroy driver and car. “250km/h in that!” I laughed nervously. I’m still looking at it, 250 km/h an hour in that. It strikes me that the kind of driver capable of doing that to a car would never attempt it (outside one of those ‘… controlled conditions …’ type warning prefaces), and the kind of driver who would, has no idea what they’re getting themselves into. Glorious hoonage.
I admit, if it had been Lamborghini 54 Years, I’d have been way more excited than Autoworld Brussels’ Ferrari 70 Years. But I’m in Brussels, and Brussels has a car museum, and it’s been a while since I visited the church/temple/synagogue/mosque of hoonage. Plus there was a pretty high likelihood I’d get to see what all the fuss was about with those F40s.
There were plenty of pretty cars, from the curves of the ’60s to the wedges of the ’70s, the hyperbole of the ’80s, and the mad angles since then. All that’s for another post (as are the pair of oddities I saw in the revolving motorsport collection — no GT40 this time!). This one’s for the red, 1987 F40.
Ferrari doesn’t stir much enthusiasm in me. They strike me as the province of rich show-offs who aspire to being classy, but don’t get that in that price range, there is no classy, it’s all about fucking arrogance. Hence my love of Lamborghini. But hoons seem to have a requirement to love the F40. Like the GT40, it wasn’t until I saw it there that I really got it. They’re kinda similar, both hammers in search of a nail: for the GT40 that was Le Mans; for the F40, it’s not so succinct. Maybe to say that as Enzo Ferrari’s last car it had to represent Ferrari the man and auto designer and Ferrari his company.
It’s a beautiful, rough, violent, messy masterpiece. It’s fucking terrifying. It’s the kind of car that would kill you way before the limit, if it hadn’t already rattled you apart with its spartan expression of engineering. I would do quite a few questionable things for a passenger seat.
I went to Autoworld Brussels again today, to see the Ferrari 70 Years exhibition. I spent a lot of time on my knees before the F40. (Ever since I planned to see this exhibition, I was hoping there’d be an F40 there so I could quote Iain Banks as Kathryn on it in The Business: ‘Brutal.’)
‘I’d love a shot,’ I said between corners. ‘Would you let me drive? Just for a bit.’
‘Well, I don’t know. There’s the insurance …’ It was the most worried he’d sounded so far. ‘I’d love to, Kathryn, but—’
‘But, Kathryn, this is a Ferrari.’
‘I’ve driven Ferraris. Uncle Freddy used to lend me the Daytona when I was staying at Blysecrag sometimes.’
‘Oh? Well, yes, but that’s front-engined, you see, quite different handling characteristics. The 355 is mid-engined. Much trickier on the limit.’
‘He let me loose in the F40, too. And, of course, I wouldn’t be going anywhere near the limit.’
He glanced at me. ‘He let you drive the F40?’
‘A couple of times.’
‘I never drove the F40.’ He sounded like a disappointed schoolboy. ‘What’s it like?’
This post is sort of a love letter and a thank you to Jalopnik, Opposite Lock, and especially all the commenters who veer wildly between incredibly knowledgeable and incredibly funny, who for petrolheads are probably the nicest bunch of hoons I could hope to lurk around. And lurk I do. A couple of years ago, I asked Emile, “What is ‘drift’ Emile? What is ‘donk’?” I’m pretty sure he said, “Tokyo Drift. Watch it.” That moment coincided with my slipping sideways from io9 (still pretty much my sci-fi daily) into burnouts.
LMP1, WRC, Subaru WRX STI, Ken Block, Nürburgring (24h or generally losing it on Fuchsröhre), SCG003, Porsche Porsche Porsche, brown cars, station wagons, brown station wagons, Volvo rally station wagons, Le Mans and Spa 24h, turbo diesel, flat fours, manual gated shifters, stance tuned and slammed. I am as serious about hoonage as I am about mediæval art.
This is my first attempt at photographing cars. I approached it like photographing art, sculpture, landscapes, a little of dance and theatre. It became strangely easy, possibly because I was drooling madly and wanted to fondle half the cars. Most of the closeups are straight from my camera, only whatever automatic processing Aperture does in exporting to tiff. A couple of closeups—the ones where I was playing with symmetry— I straightened and cropped, and a couple I also messed with the levels a bit, to compensate for glare or overexposure. Some of the full-shots I cropped slightly, cleaned out junk in the frame (signs, or distracting changes in the background or floor), also did some levels adjusting.
For most though, this is what came out of my camera. Seriously, I’ve seen four museums in two days, with probably another 200 images of art still to process (very labour-intensive to deal with lens distortion), I don’t have so much time and I don’t think I could improve them anyway, especially as I don’t like cropping.
I’d already been to the Jubelparkmuseum / Musée du Cinquantenaire, battery died shortly before I got into the Citroën DS 60 Years special exhibition, missed quite a lot …
The upstairs of Autoworld Brussels in the Sport & Competition Zone had a gentle odour of fuel, grease, hydraulic fluid, the tang of cooked metal, hot engines and brakes. I hadn’t expected that, but then thought, ‘Duh, obvious!’ and found it comforting. It’s where I started, what I was there for. (If I’d been more aware, I’d have been there for the DS exhibition also.)
There’s only around twenty cars in this section, plus probably another forty on the mezzanine. I just started taking photos, no idea what I was looking at until I saw the duck-shell blue Abarth. And behind that was the AMC AMX/3, which is just mental in the way Lamborghini was. The Toyota 2000 GT Coupé is probably my pick from that first group (except for the Abarth, which just looks so pretty and like it would be glorious fun to drive). Then I turned around.
The GT40. I’ve watched videos, read articles, followed comments into the thousands on this car. I’m almost completely uninterested in American cars and Ford, but the GT40 … To see it there mounted on a cambre. Every other car here can go fast, can be driven fast and win and even be capricious to drive. Seeing the GT40 though … it is brutal. It’s the car you drive when every problem is a nail, a metal chisel of a thing that is genuinely terrifying in a way no other car there is. From some angles it’s beautiful, and then it gives away its secret that it doesn’t care; it’s only interested in hammering a path through air as fast as necessary, and it will do that with aerodynamics or force of will. Either, or. Doesn’t matter. It’s single-minded like no other car.
Vaillante Grand Défi with leather buckles; the deep weirdness of the Gillet Vertigo.5 Sprint; the beautiful Vasek Polak Porsche 935/5 driven by Jacky Ickx, all white with red and blue stripes and those massive, massive wheel arch flares and air intakes—and the Team Kremer Porsche 934 RSR Group 4 in peppermint green with purple, red, and orange stripes, the best livery in the entire museum. Right next to that is the red and white of the Lancia Fulvia Rally. I love rally, and this—despite being a giant ad for smoking—is a work of art. The headlights and grille, the overhang of the bonnet, the strange boot, the height and angle of the windshield glass. I would hoon. Probably would die immediately.
Toyota Celica 1600 GT in all white; the hallucinogenic yellow of the Matra 530 LX with the oddest arse on a car, it’s like three cars glued together; Grey Beamer! Yellow Lotus! Porsche 924 Carrera GT, which was really, really attractive. Bugatti Type Brown, very blue, equal oddest arse. Battery was actually flat here, so I missed the baroque hysteria of the rear window; Lamborghini’s “Seats 4!” Espada Series II.
Downstairs into Citroën DS land. The car from Back to the Future II, but who cares? DS 21 Rallye! Imagine rallying a DS, it’d be all, “LOL, bumps?” and it really was. I love the DS and the ID, hydraulic everything, steerable headlights, “Speedbumps? What speedbumps?” aluminium floating panels, wide at the front, narrow at the back, the glass and curves. If I wasn’t coveting a WRX in blue and gold for all I’m worth, I’d probably be stealing a DS.
There was a presidential DS also, extra-high, extra-long, probably mine-resistant. In the back was a Porsche police car. Too late. Camera battery was dead.
From one of my daily reads, we-make-money-not-art, comes my favourite combination of culture, fast cars and hot bikini chicks. Tell me you don’t love super-nitro funny cars.
In this case, the hot chick is Liz Cohen, and the fast car is he current performance art piece in Stockholm, Bodywork, part of The Gender Turntable. Not only do I wish I’d thought of it first, I wanna do it too.
In her BODYWORK project, Liz Cohen is converting Färgfabriken’s main hall into a car body shop and a gym. Every day, she will be working to transform an old East German Trabant into an American Chevrolet El Camino. East German functionalism goes American low-rider. In addition, the artist will be training her body so that she will also be able to present the finished car as a showroom bikini model.
BODYWORK is the main installation in The Gender Turntable, that will be Sweden’s first equal opportunities lab. During it, one of today’s most fundamental social issues will be explored and analysed to generate discussion and debate, and ensure relevance.