“What’s Your Porn Category?”

A question I got asked today. I’m writing a lot lately (a long overdue distant continuation of this), and well, sometimes I write, and sometimes nameless horrors what fancy themselves to be comedians write me (& cheers to Vass for leading me down the award ceremony trail).

“Tell me a truth time! What’s your porn category?”
“Hot Action Alien Tentacle Sex 6-Way Shemale Gang Bang?”
“That’s very specific.”
“Where all the tentacle suckers are James Franco’s face going ‘Eyyy, how ya doin’?’ in a shite Brooklyn accent.”
“That’s suddenly Category: Not My Fetish!”
“Bait and Switch, child! The Category is…—”
“Nightmare Porn!”
“Aw, steal my punchline, why doncha?”
“Just like Franco steals your award at the ceremony.”
“Tentacles take stage like Kanye at Taylor Swift, ‘Imma let you finish,’ rips Franco’s face off with razor-toothed Franco suckers.”
“Camera cuts to Xzibit in the audience, ‘Yo dawg, I heard you like James Franco Tentacle Suckers…‘”
“Shit just writes itself, eh?”
“It’s not a porn category unless it starts with ‘Hot Action’.”
“Amateur Porn? naah. Hot Action Amateur Porn? Now that’s a category.”
“Now That’s What I Call Hot Action Amateur Porn!”
“Volume 69.”
“The Soundtrack.”
“Hot moaning and grunting, wet sounds of skin slapping, screams of terror and ripping of flesh, ‘Eyyy, how ya doin’?’”
“Stop. Please. Stop.”
“Won’t stop, can’t stop.”

media mammon

Almost a year of being a bug crawling around the grid in breedster, and now the folks at drunk men work here have invited me into their next project, media mammon. I already have shares in Al-Zaquari, and being a patriot am hanging out to buy some in Bird Flu, Taiwan, and China Aviation Oil. Unfortunately none for SARS yet.

Media Mammon is like a stock market of news, memes and hypes. It allows you to trade shares of companies, countries, events, persons or sports teams: in fact any word or phrase you can think of.

value

The value of each share is determined by the frequency the word or phrase is used by the international media during the previous 24 hours (source: Yahoo! News). Unlike a real stock market the value is not influenced by trading in that share.