satanically un-islamic black metal fatwa

Superstitious religious imbecility coupled with public displays of mental feebleness and decrepitude are almost universally guaranteed to make for high-class comedy. But pre-meditated vindictiveness and a vicious campaign of fear, lies and incitement to hate has always been the keystone of religion, and it makes scant difference if the targets are heathens, sodomites or if you hang out in Malaysia, Black Metal.

I found out early last year my grandmother was Turkish Muslim. I like surprises, and this was an especially good one. Well, Turkey is a long way from Malaysia, and I guess the difference in Islam between the two countries is comparable to the difference in Christianity between say, Australia and Europe, but I wondered what they would make of me in Malaysia, who on the weekend presented 45 minutes of Metallic adoration, and who surpasses their criteria for murtad in a lazily over-acheiving way. To save you clicking of the link, the penalty for apostasy is death. Or not. Depending on what kind of Muslim you are.

Malaysia’s National Fatwa Council has decided Black Metal is against Islamic principles, and their implicit attitude in conceiving such a stance tends to point to a less than benevolent outcome for people who like to head bang, so I guess I won’t be touring hell there any time soon.

Prof Shukor said although Black Metal was just a form of music, its culture often led its followers to worship Satan, to rebel, kill and incite hatred and irreligion.

Black Metal culture, he said, also influenced its followers to perform controversial rituals such as drinking one’s blood mixed with goat blood and burning the Quran.

— The Star

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all hail the true metal warriors

The greatest band in the universe, Morloch played last night at the Croft Institute in a tag-team battle against pop-interlopers Gossip Pop. It was no battle. Satan’s slaves washed the walls in their blood.

Morloch are even better live than on the DVD I saw. It’s like 65daysofstatic kept all their laptop genius but started channelling Slayer, while doing the vacuuming. It’s the future. There is no other group in the world more likely to annihilate stadium rock within two years than Morlock. five stars for genius, plus two billion for the impromptu invocation of satan.

As for gossip-pop, maybe I’ve missed something while in Taiwan, but is this supposed to be ironic … or something? I don’t get it. Like Barbara Kruger trying to get funky. Or maybe I’ve just had five months when Brad and Jen never once appeared in the news, and the calibre of celebrities was alot more engaging. Is this the best you can do? Sing innuendo-saturated one-liners about Michael Jackson? I’d much prefer it if Sue Dodd unashamedly loved all the celebrity obsession than took the easy line of soft-core criticism. Blah. negative-zero out of five stars

Morloch and Gossip Pop are doing battle for another two nights at the Croft Institute, and on Saturday, a band I forget the name of is playing at The Empress. It’s acapella death-metal, what more could you want?

金屬永生 satanic beast spawn

This one’s for you, Emile.

What I really needed to do was get out and bang my head, and last night 這牆 The Wall provided the opportunity with six satanic metal bands and earth-shaking noise at Metal Immortal VII 金屬永生. All metal; death, black, speed, satanic, hair and all heavy. I can’t remember all of them because of one truly awesome metal outfit from Singapore.

I walked in on the last song from Infernal Chaos, who do a solid line in American heavy metal, lots of guitar duels and long hair. There was the Iron Maiden impersonators, Eternal who rode the line between horrible and solid metal riffing, sometimes going between the two in a single solo. Tight jeans, pouting and more hair. Both I’d pay to see again.

Soon after, there was the utterly crap Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Machine Head posers (I think 犬儒). Boys, aggro political metal came and went 10 years ago. Also overdriving all your effects until the (very good) sound system has a permanent mid-frequency hum does not make you sound good, or impress any political message. It just makes you sound like mediocre amateurs. I saved my ears for Satan.

But who cares? I came for the face paint and Mongolian throat singing, and I don’t mind a bit of Death Metal er-hu either. 閃靈CthoniC as evil as they are cute. The lead singer looks like the creature from Alien, and does a fearsome black metal scream. Plenty of make-up, big demonic costumes, and blasting drums and guitars. But it was a sad night because their drummer is leaving (to play jazz, spawn of the devil), and he left the room surfing the arms of the crowd while their new drummer took over.

As if it couldn’t get any better. This is hard: Impiety. How can Singapore produce such an evil, demonic group? These guys were fucking aswesome. Two shaved-headed clones who hacked away at their speed-metal riffs in perfect time, swinging their heads like Regan from The Exorcist, and in the middle, the cleaver of goats himself. If Lemmy had an evil twin brother, this is him. Even the head of his bass, permanently pointing to the ceiling was doing a satanic salute. These guys were huge and scary and didn’t fuck around. This is the hardest, blackest hell-metal I’ve ever seen. Half the room bailed out in terror, the other half went nuts, and by the time they’d finished the whole room was shaking and everyone was screaming like maniacs.

We didn’t stay around for the final act, because Impiety slayed us. Whatever followed would either have to be so good we’d drop dead in awe, or wouldn’t cut it. Anyway, Emile, Impiety and 閃靈 CthoniC, check it out and let Morloch reign.

straight outta mongolia

Mongolian pride, speed metal, Gengis Khan all get together in Ulan Bataar’s hard-rockin’ band Hurd and their CD I was Born in Mongolia were in New York Times yesterday, and seen at China Digital News.

China built the Great Wall more than 2,000 years ago to keep out invaders from the north. But the Chinese are having a harder time repulsing modern interlopers like these: long-haired Mongolian men in black, whose office décor features a wolf pelt, a portrait of Genghis Khan and a music store poster of Eminem.

So the Chinese police got nervous when they heard that Hurd was crossing the Gobi Desert, coming down from Mongolia, 600 miles to the north. With their new hit CD, “I Was Born in Mongolia,” Hurd, a heavy metal, Mongolian-pride group, was coming for a three-day tour, culminating Nov. 1 with a performance in Hohhot, capital of the Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region.

“The morning we were to get on the train, the translator guy called and said ‘Your performances are cancelled,’ ” Damba Ganbayar, Hurd’s keyboardist and producer, said glumly as he lounged in a white plastic chair. “He said, ‘I will call with details.’ I never got the details.”