The Vase — cie.OFEN, in Wuppertal

The beautiful tall ones, Gala Moody and Michael Carter, are finally performing together in Germany. In Wuppertal, as in home of  Pina Bausch and Tanztheater Wuppertal, or Wuppi as the locals seem to call it (dunno if that’s a local thing or Aussie local thing. Strayans would probably call it Wuppo.). Trailer on Vimeo, and I’m debating with myself whether to bike some of the way over.

Dear friends,

Cie.OFEN is delighted to invite you to the german premier of The Vase, the latest work by Cie.OFEN which premiered at Wim Vandekeybus’ ‘Ulti’mates’ festival in Kortrijk, Belgium.

Based on the theater work Purgutorio by Ariel Dorfman, The Vase shows the clash between Medea and Jason, who are trying to repair a broken love. Condemned to their own reckoning, they find their fates are entwined.

The Vase will be performed for one night only at die börse, Wuppertal (Germany) on Friday, 2nd of June at 8pm.
Tickets:  €12,-/€8,-

For more information please click here or email: michael@cieofen.com
Looking forward to seeing you at the show!

Gala Moody & Michael Carter
Cie.OFEN

The Vase — cie.OFEN, in Wuppertal
The Vase — cie.OFEN, in Wuppertal

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LADA — All The Books I Looked At

I’m doing this as a memory. I went to LADA, spent the afternoon in their Study Room, trawled hundreds of books and pulled out a few, spent minutes or tens of looking and reading. Also a memory. I am reminded of my own history in biographies or documents of people and groups I think of only infrequently, which at one time were all I thought of. Or others I know about and have never read, or have circulated around me, or are entirely new. The books are arranged chronologically, in the order they were purchased in. Of all the possible arrangements, this is my favourite. It tells you something about the book that it doesn’t and can’t tell you itself.

These are the books I looked at and read a little of. In chronological order — mine going from first to last, and LADA’s going backwards in time from most recently acquired to about halfway through their collection. Some I like; others I don’t. I am still wondering what they tell me about me.

  • Pina Bausch — The Biography, Marion Meyer (trans: Penny Black)
  • my body, the buddhist, Deborah Hay
  • Precarious Lives — Waiting and Hope in Iran, Shahram Khosravi
  • A Field Guide for Female Interrogators, Coco Fusco
  • Integration Impossible? The Politics of Migration in the Artwork of Tanja Ostojić, Pamela Allara and Manuela Bojadzijev
  • Guerilla Aspies — A Neurotypical Society Infiltration Manual, Paul Wady
  • Leigh Bowery — The Life And Times Of An Icon, Sue Tilley
  • Black Artists In British Art, A History Since The 1950s, Eddie Chambers
  • Test Dept: Total State Machine, eds. Alexei Monroe and Peter Webb
  • Tania Bruguera: On the Political Imaginary, Carrie Lambert-Beatty, Gerardo Mosquera, Helaine Posner
  • Thee Psychick Bible : Thee Apocryphal Scriptures ov Genesis Breyer P-Orrige and Thee Third Mind ov Thee Temple ov Psychick Youth, Genesis Breyer P-Orridge
  • Jan Fabre: Stigmata. Actions & Performances 1976-2013, Germano Celant
  • Feminist and Queer Information Studies Reader, eds. Patrick Keilty and Rebecca Dean
  • Femininity, Time and Feminist Art, Clare Johnson
  • The Reckoning: Women Artists of the New Millennium, Eleanor Heartney, Helaine Posner, Nancy Princenthal, Sue Scott
  • The Shit of God: Diamanda Galás, Diamanda Galás and Clive Barker
  • Jan Fabre: I Am A Mistake. seven works for the theatre, ed. Frank Hentschker
  • Female Masculinity, Jack Halberstam
  • Trans(per)forming Nina Arsenault: An Unreasonable Body of Work, ed. Judith Rudakoff
  • That’s Revolting! Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation, ed. Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
  • Laurie Anderson, Trisha Brown, Gordon Matta-Clark: Pioneers of the Downtown Scene New York 1970s, Lydia Yee and Philip Ursprung
  • Revolting Subjects: Social Abjection and Resistance in Neoliberal Britain, Imogen Tyler
  • Are We There Yet? Study Room Guide on Live Art and Feminism, Live Art Development Agency
  • The Incorrigibles, Perspectives on Disability Visual Arts in the 20th and 21st Centuries, eds. Adrian Plant and Tanya Raabe-Webber
  • Queer Dramaturgies: International Perspectives on Where Performance Leads Queer, eds. Alyson Campbell and Stephen Farrier
LADA — All The Books I Looked At
LADA — All The Books I Looked At

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LADA — Live Art Development Agency

I went to LADA today, Live Art Development Agency over in Hackney Wick beside a canal, all factories going down and gentrification going up. I had lunch with Meghan, @churlishmeg that is. We talked art and performance and London and stuff, she showed me around LADA, and it was brilliant. I spent the afternoon in the Study Room, making it about halfway through their glorious collection of live art. I didn’t even get to the performance documentation stuff. Totally worth being in London for this.

LADA Live Art Development Agency — Study Room
LADA Live Art Development Agency — Study Room

Gallery

Gallery: SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — Celestial Commute (Prémiere)

Friday, the prémiere for Hans’ new piece, Celestial Commute in the church of Les Brigittines in Brussels. The lighting of Giacomo Gorini, impossible for me to capture on camera. Anyway, some pictures:

SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 1
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 1
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 2
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 2
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 3
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 3
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 4
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 4
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 5
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 5
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 6
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 6
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 7
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 7
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 8
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 8
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 9
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 9
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 10
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 10
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 11
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 11
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 12
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 12
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 13
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 13
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 14
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute première — 14

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SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — Celestial Commute (Générale)

Thursday, the générale for Hans’ new piece, Celestial Commute in the church of Les Brigittines in Brussels. The sublime lighting of Giacomo Gorini, impossible for me to capture on camera … he was talking about how it comes from mediæval art and mosaics. For now, just pictures:

SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 1
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 1
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 2
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 2
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 3
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 3
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 4
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 4
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 5
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 5
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 6
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 6
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 7
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 7
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 8
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 8
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 9
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 9
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 10
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 10
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 11
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 11
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 12
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: Celestial Commute générale — 12

Gallery

SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck

Sometime in November, Hans emailed me and asked if I’d like to help build him a new website. “Of-fucking-Course!” He arrived in Berlin shortly after for two weeks, where we sat in Alte Kantine Wedding every day for quite a few hours. We started with putting together a framework for each project, and once that was up, I linked him to my laptop web server, him sitting on my right adding all the text, me bashing out code.

It took a pause from January ’til early-April, then another ’til May 15th, when we fiddled with the DNS and splurted it out into teh Interwebtubez: SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck.

Hans was someone I heard about when I was a student, They Kill We (Eat, Eat, Eat) the name in my head when I was bunking off to the library and reading Ballet International. I thought it sounded like the coolest shit out, and knew I was going to move to Europe to be in the middle of all that. Hans himself I met on my first trip to Europe, as a DanceWEBber at ImPulsTanz in Vienna where everything I’d imagined and hoped for on the continent was ten million times better. I didn’t do Hans’ workshop—stupid uninformed decision—but along with meeting Anna Tenta and Ivo, getting drunk with Hans on an all-night, cross-Vienna bender (I dunno, it might have even been two or three nights … those last few days …) was the formative experience for me at the festival. And that’s amidst seeing Jan Fabre / Troubelyn, Emio Greco, doing workshops with Frankfurt Ballet dancers, generally 6 weeks of unrelenting Mind=Blown!!!

I got to work with Hans on my final arrival in Europe, again at ImPulsTanz. He, Anuschka, Ivan, and Estelle snuck me out one evening for surprise Viennese birthday celebrations. I started regularly going to Brussels; it became a mandatory pleasure for drinking and eating, talking for hours together.

And I always thought his old website, the one he’d hand-built in iWeb—images with picture frames, odd sounds, text scapbooked around in different colours and sizes—I always thought that was one of my favourite websites ever. Because it looked like him; when you arrived, it could only be him.

When Hans asked me to design and build his new site, I said straight away, “I fucking loved your old site, it needs to be somehow like that, how it looks, the feeling of it.” We ransacked his scrapbooks (so many scrapbooks!)—one thing Hans is very good at is archiving, every work had at least enough, and for the more recent ones, far far more than we could possibly use. Then we got serious and dry: How to build a site that can be arranged in myriad ways while also having a manageable editing interface?

Ja, of course it’s in WordPress, and of course I used Advanced Custom Fields. Early on, I realised Flexible Content in ACF was the way to go. CSS gives amazing power to change design and layout, but not the order of things; jQuery and PHP can do that but not in a simple, flexible, drag-drop, non-code way that’s part of the editing process. Flexible Content fields for text, images, video, quotes, whatever could be dragged into any order; then I added some selectors for images, to change their alignment and size, which was the final key in building a structure that could result in a design where every page is somewhat different. Headings and the work info sidebar are exceptions to this, though it would be trivial to extend the structure to shift those also around wherever.

Then there was things like the coloured squares next to work titles, generated from categories and slapped together in some probably unholy mix of PHP, jQuery, and CSS. Or the video page. When Hans saw how videos are laid out in the WordPress admin editor, a grid of thumbnails, he said, “Yes. I want that! Can I have that?” It turned out to be pretty easy, just overwriting the standard WordPress video playlist shortcode for the video page in a function (using the admin editor code as a template), then arrange it all pretty like. The background images are just taking FlexSlider, stripping it down, then again using some styling.

What else? The randomly cycling quotes? Also ACF, PHP, some jQuery, including collision avoidance detection so the quote doesn’t run under the menu. And the menu uses an extremely nice piece of jQuery, BackgroundCheck, to compare the background colour to the menu and swap between light, dark, and neutral states so the text colour remains contrasty (not always but enough that I thought it was worth using).

For anyone curious, I’ve included a screenshot of editing a page with all the fields; and some of the templates, functions, and javascript files.

The font is Klartext Mono from Heimatdesign via Fontspring … Oh! and the index page quote was a placeholder that remains for now because Hans liked it. It’s from Mechthild of Magdeburg.

SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 1: soit.info
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 1: soit.info
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 2: soit.info
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 2: soit.info
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 3: soit.info index menu
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 3: soit.info index menu
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 4: soit.info works & projects page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 4: soit.info works & projects page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 5: soit.info works & projects page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 5: soit.info works & projects page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 6: soit.info video page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 6: soit.info video page
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 7: soit.info video player
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 7: soit.info video player
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 8: soit.info The Lee Ellroy Show
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 8: soit.info The Lee Ellroy Show
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 9: soit.info Celestial Commute
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 9: soit.info Celestial Commute
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 10: soit.info Rosegarden 2014
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 10: soit.info Rosegarden 2014
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 11: soit.info Settlement Los Angeles
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 11: soit.info Settlement Los Angeles
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 12: soit.info Café Italo-Belge
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 12: soit.info Café Italo-Belge
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 13: soit.info Messiah Run!
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 13: soit.info Messiah Run!
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 14: soit.info Settlement Wellington
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 14: soit.info Settlement Wellington
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 15: soit.info Nomads
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 15: soit.info Nomads
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 16: soit.info Settlement
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 16: soit.info Settlement
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 17: soit.info Durchgang
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 17: soit.info Durchgang
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 18: soit.info They Feed We (Eat, Eat, Eat)
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 18: soit.info They Feed We (Eat, Eat, Eat)
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 19: soit.info Contact
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 19: soit.info Contact
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 20: soit.info WordPress & Advanced Custom Fields project editor
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 20: soit.info WordPress & Advanced Custom Fields project editor
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 21: soit.info projects index template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 21: soit.info projects index template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 22: soit.info projects template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 22: soit.info projects template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 23: soit.info functions.php
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 23: soit.info functions.php
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 24: soit.info header template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 24: soit.info header template
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 25: soit.info jQuery
SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck — 25: soit.info jQuery

SOIT / Hans Van den Broeck: The Lee Ellroy Show

This is a very tardy review of the one show I did see in Vienna at ImPulsTanz. I’d planned to see two others, but the first coincided with getting from airport to apartment, and the second, following a bike-sprint from Arsenal to Schauspielhaus, suffered the fate of late arrival. That latter was Jérôme Bel’s Jérôme Bel, a performance I’ve only seen parts of on video, which nonetheless had a significant influence on my work.

Lucky third then. Hans, of course I could not miss seeing a Hans show, and double lucky only a roll down the hill from Arsenal to Kasino. Outside I find Ivo, who was looking very healthy and relaxed, having moved to the hills outside Sophia; inside, behind the desk were Hans and Giacomo, and on stage Anuschka and Jake. Present only aurally: James Brown (no, not that one/yes, that one). Inside was late, as Dasniya and Florian shuttled themselves post-workshop (I was the early ticket collector), so my seat was exactly in the middle of the back row, where I got to stretch out above all the others squashed in.

The Lee Ellroy Show, then. Hans had been in Los Angeles with Anuschka and discovered that terrifying writer: James Ellroy. My discovery of Ellroy was as a student in Melbourne. A flatmate had a thing for crime fiction and introduced Ellroy to me, starting with the L.A. Quartet, moving chronologically backwards to L.A. Noir, and proceeding forwards again via American Tabloid. On a plane from China to somewhere (or the other way, not that it’s important), I picked up The Cold Six Thousand. I never read his autobiographical My Dark Places then or subsequently; his fiction was disturbing enough without venturing into that. In Melbourne also, I had a chance to meet him when he was doing a reading around the time of the L.A. Confidential film. My flatmate came back with autographed books; I was far too intimidated of him, or his persona as objectified in the inside-cover portraits, him leaning on a wooden chair with seated Pit Bull.

I haven’t read him for years now, but I do have a distinct memory of the emotional and psychological trajectory that occurs like a leitmotif, one where the pressure and stress on the protagonist (usually in first-person) rearranges itself, as if looking into a scene reflected in mirrors which suddenly shift and displace the viewer’s sense of self and certainty, It’s like vertigo, or waking from a nightmare, where it’s only after, once one has surfaced that the inchoate horror of the preceding pages reveals itself. These waves and drownings would repeat through each novel until the protagonist would put enough of the pieces together to drag himself clear, though not without damage.

I mention all of this because Ellroy seems largely unknown, at least amongst the audience of The Lee Ellroy Show; I mention it also to describe the feeling of watching the performance, and how it illustrated that very particular horror which is an Ellroy novel.

So, first: lights! There are few lighting designers as talented as Giacomo Gorini. I can think of only a couple—Henk Danner for Emio Greco, and some of Frankfurt Ballett—that are comparable, and I would watch a show for his lighting alone. He not only designs, but gets up the ladder, hangs the lamps, operates the show (with beer and cigarettes), which says plenty about his personal artistry and just how uncommon a designer he is. Second: sound, the very-much alive James Brown’s fitted like a film-score with the lights and Dirk De Hooghe’s plastic-walled box set. Third: Anuschka and Jake. Anuschka wearing a dress! I’ve never seen her wearing a dress in six years!

It starts as a long, uncomfortable anti-climax: Jake as Ellroy at a book-reading, or perhaps Jake as a Ellroy’s character in 1950s’ Las Vegas; Anuschka either way as the compère. Canned laughter repeats and cuts abruptly. Ellroy as a boy, or again a character—who is always a stand-in for Ellroy—rides in circles around the transparent walls on an old bike. The walls hang and shine like curtains in an abattoir. Each moment of Jake as Ellroy as the protagonist as authorial stand-in is in tension with Anuschka as Ellroy’s mother, murder victim herself, murder victim in the book—either already or imminently—lover or potential lover, not quite betrayer, always there as a mute signifier and witness to herself, never entirely trusted or forgiven.

This is Belgian dance, so they do in fact dance. I’ve seen many brilliant dancers in Han’s works: Ivan Fatjo in We Was Them, Lars August Jørgensen in Messiah Run, and of course Anuschka in everything. Jake and Anuschka together is dance that makes me smile and say, “fuck, yes!” There is dance where the movement, its quality, the bodies doing it are not so far from mundane, most of the audience themselves could, with some preparation, perform no better nor worse. This is not that. This is transcendence of corporeality that comes from dance having so thoroughly infiltrated the person that they are irrevocably changed. It is virtuosity. They collide, fling together, apart, flailing, wrapping themselves around each other, falling and collapsing, now delicate, now explosive, terrifying, there is an inevitability here, as if we can almost see into the future, and when we arrive and look back it seems there was no other possibility. This is choreography.

Hans’ works are cinematographic and have become more so since working with James and Giacomo, who have strong filmic influences in structuring light and sound across scenes and the entire work. I saw the Staatsballett Berlin performing Onegin recently: both works have progression and development over time of a narrative drawn from a novel, and both use choreography and dance to do this. This may seem a superficial comparison, but it does represent the history of dance and its continual involvement in narrative storytelling (as different from “a bunch of things happen on stage and we the audience get to create our own story”, or straightforward conceptual dance). Hans is one of the very few choreographers I’ve seen who manages convincing narrative performance, in no small part by the highly talented people he works with.

On that, a couple of criticisms: I was speaking with someone after—a well-known Berlin performer whose work I also like—who hated it, who thought it was old and tired and unoriginal ’90s Belgian dance of which the world has seen enough. It made me question my own perception, not the least if somehow in the last few years I’ve become old, my critical faculty is only good for ballet, and this new generation understands the world in a way I can never. By comparison, I see the current autobiographical trend in dance as a very late arrival at the Tracey Emin party, absent critical self-reflection. I did agree with him in part on the process towards nakedness, which is a habit of european dance generally. Even flipping this, so the ending was the clothed resolution of a prior nakedness would lend a different reading.

Writing this, I was thinking of British playwright Howard Barker’s Death, the One and the Art of Theatre:

A theatre which honours its audience will demand of its writers that they write in hazard of their consciences, for writers are paid to think dangerously, they are explorers of the imagination, the audience expects it of them. If they think safely, what is the virtue of them? Do you want to pay £10 to be told what you knew already? That is theft. Do you want to agree all the time? That is flattery, and the audience is always flattered, which is why it has become so sleek.

An honoured audience will quarrel with what it has seen, it will go home in a state of anger, not because it disapproves, but because it has been taken where it is reluctant to go. Thus morality is created in art, by exposure to pain and illegitimate thought.

It’s not simple as that, particularly with the last 15-ish years where racism, misogyny, homo- and transphobia are given free rein under the aegis of ‘freedom of speech’, ‘post-blah’, ‘irony’ and with simultaneous resistance of groups targeted by bigotry to (the idea of) “exposure to pain and illegitimate thought” being presented a priori as neutral or unproblematic. Much as I no longer read William T. Vollman, Neal Stephenson, the classics from Hemmingway to Miller to the canon of Anglo and American literature, I haven’t read Ellroy for years: I’m looking for some other perspective, perhaps something of a Deleuzian Minority reading (and self-as-audience) project. I do however find in this quote something of what draws me to Hans’ work, as audience, as performer, as friend. I also think Hans is one of the rare people who manages to be choreographer, director, artist simultaneously. It occurs to me now that he is close to Falk Richter in this, though personally I think Hans is a vastly superior, thoughtful, more considered, and interesting artist.

Rehearsing anew

A couple of weeks ago I decided I’d like to return to regular ballet training, which I haven’t done since I destroyed my knee and achilles. With Dasniya away, I purloined some of her dance floor and ended up buying a David Howard ballet class piano music album, planted my feet beside the window and relearnt pliés, tendus, and all the other tortures of the barre. This, coupled with a lengthy maintenance routine chewed up three or so hours as well as left me sleepy and in need of chocolate – or lamb curry, either or – and caused some rethinking of things.

abjection was stuck with too many ideas and not enough doing of the ideas until it was grotesquely unmanageable. There were so many works it had been and could be, so many notes and possibilities and rewrites and reworkings; it had become its own black hole into which everything could be poured and nothing would emerge (at least on any human timeframe). Ignoring that even, the eternal orbiting around Julia Kristeva and her abjection theory was going nowhere, it’s just not interesting to me in a philosophical way. So, I decided that was enough.

Training in a different way brings to the body this difference, and brings to any work that follows this difference. I’d never done ballet as a preparation for my own rehearsing, and found the strict defining of time, tempo, musicality, brought me to a very different state from a warmup where I’d do what I think I needed. There is a subjugating of self in ballet, in each exercise, it is like a training of speech. The focus now on large, slow, strenuous movement, and now followed by small, accurate, rapid movement causes a particular physiological state that modulates over the time spent at the barre. Respiration and blood change their flow, neuromuscular and endocrine systems adapt and change also. It is an experience of different particular states of endurance and exhaustion.

I begin rehearsing again. A small few ideas remaining I carry over, as with all works one after the other. It is much simpler now, and I don’t need to convince or trick myself into believing it is or should be more. It has a new name also, being a new work. Maybe it will change, but for now it’s called when your last breath frees your soul, I will be there to inhale it.

On Sunday, I showed a little to three friends, just to find out what would be revealed when eyes were watching, and to talk it through a little. It seems to make sense. Tonight, more of the same.

Abjection again

Back on the rehearsal bandwagon. I’ve made a geas, or maybe curse with myself, that until I get abjection finished, no more taking other jobs. Yes, solos are horribly awful for me and I could continue to the end of the universe and still be working on this but let’s be a little more efficient, practical, realistic with time frames here. Rehearsing again, gently because it’s potentially brutal and I like that my body is mostly in a state of coherency. And downstairs in Alte Kantine. At night, yes.

Three nights for a couple of hours each, most of which was going through the usual warmup, which seems fairly useful and applicable to the movement, so just getting comfortable with that again, not over-reaching myself, remembering what it is I do. Isabelle has turned out to be an influence – on my shoulder blades at least, and later this week shall come and have a watch (also part of my geas, having what I’m doing seen; seeing and so making it real). I started working on the text verbal spoken throat-lung vibrational noise words mouth tongue front of face dance stuff. Julia Kristeva, that is. Then I discovered her text from Powers of Horror is nice to read within one’s head, or even perhaps reading while moving lips silently, but is dead horrid as a piece of monologue text. Butchery, then. As easy as one of that employment swinging a sharp knife through the gristle and joints. Now it looks like there might not be enough text.

Then there’s how to say it. I have a feeling it goes into something in the general phase space of Black Metal vocalities, wondering if it will become incoherent, wondering if that matters, wondering if I can make enough sounds. That’s for tonight, anyway.