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Jamie Pinhead Clayton

Obviously I a) want to give myself Hellraiser nightmares again, and b) am very dtf with Jamie Clayton Pinhead, and c) know an Oglaf relevant to solving puzzles. Horny but afraid? Horny and afraid!

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Tempelhofer Feld, July 6th 2022

Tempelhofer Feld getting windy.

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First Light FujiFilm X-T4

Something telescopes do, the first image.

I know! It’s been a month since I haemorrhaged 💶💶💶 for a fancy new FujiFilm X-T4 camera, and now, thanks finally to Berlin backing off on the shitful dim grey and showing some sun (after snowing, which means funtimes on the shitful Berlin sidewalks which are fully glassy with ice), I point-and-clicked.

To be fair, I have spent a few afternoons and evenings without the lens attached going through settings and dials and reading the manual and connecting camera to phone, so it’s not like I stuck it in a drawer and forgot about it. Though I did forgot everything I learned and was feeling like a child playing with a very expensive racing car.

Previous cameras also had their first light’s blogged, my Panasonic LX3 in 2009, and Panasonic LX7 in 2014.

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FujiFilm X-T4

I mean 😱❌💯 right? And 😍😭🤩 eh. It’s so beautiful.

Yeah, I blew a shitton of 💶 on a FujiFilm X-T4 camera with the XF 16–80mm F4 OIS WR lens. It’s a very expensive gift to myself I’ve wanted for years: a proper, interchangeable lens camera with all the manual fun stuff and a big enough sensor to do ‘serious’ stuff. As for why FujiFilm instead of my fave Panasonic for the last decade, or second-fave Canon? Aesthetics. Purely aesthetics. And it’s a seriously good camera. Also aesthetics.

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Tempelhofer Feld Kestrel

Kestrel finally allowed me to take a video of them hunting.

Heaps windy and fresh after the storm last night. Me doing my usual wobbly lap along the southern pavé saw a crow having a go at a Kestrel. Kestrel was not having that and making a right racket. They both ended up perched on the bird sanctuary fence as I was walking past. I asked the crow, “Why you being such a cunt?” Kestrel flew off when I was between them and crow, and crow didn’t want to fly through me to get at them so hauled off in the other direction. Probably gonna have to give that one a feed so they don’t tell all their mates to shit on me next time.

On the gravel by the old airport ground this one was on the hunt. Maybe the same one. There’s a few of them there. Actually hung around long enough for me to get my phone out and then came up right over me for a long hover before diving at a mouse or something.

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Yayoi Kusama: The Eternally Infinite Light of the Universe Illuminating the Quest for Truth

Yayoi Kusama’s retrospective at Gropius Bau. One of the paintings reset my brain. This installation I could live in, very peacefully.

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Angel 4 Papi 4EVA

That kiss. That shot. That story.

I remember when you spoke your truth, ten years ago, back in 2011, and I remember when I heard about this show you were making, feels like longer ago than 2017. I read your books too, feeling myself and my history in the story of another, so close and so distant. And I cannot put into words the joy and sadness and love I felt and feel watching Pose, seeing you and all the beautiful trans women and trans femmes on screen, Mj Rodriguez, Dominique Jackson, Indya Moore, Angelica Ross, Hailie Sahar, Our Lady J, Black and Brown and Puerto Rican and Dominican and Latina, immigrant and children of immigrants, whose lives are as real as the story you fought to tell.

That wedding banquet. All the trans women and femmes at that table. That wedding. That fantasy that was never ours, the church, the dress, the vows, Janet, the vows! Papi! Lil Papi. I loved him from the first ’cos he was so full of love and pure and so fearless when it came to defending his family. And that kiss. You went all the way. When I saw your name at the start of the episode, yours alone, Writer and Director: Janet Mock, I knew. I knew it would be this. I knew it would be us.

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So there’s almost an inevitability with it, a li…

So there’s almost an inevitability with it, a little bit.

You’re not gonna come out of a professional sports career unscathed. You might be physically fit but you won’t be unscathed.

And that could be a physical injury, and the results of that physical injury and what it’s done to your life, or it could be that, almost PTSD or something, y’know. Just like, sometimes you feel like you’ve gone to war, and sometimes you feel like you didn’t win that war. (laughs)

High Stakes, Martyn Ashton

Bit of an aside from last night when I was doing my regular midnight physical salvage session, and watching the film High Stakes on GCN+ (yup, I actually threw down cash for a year's subscription to watch a bunch of white dudes talk about bikes). Martyn Ashton, who is a very funny, very talented rider who uses a wheelchair after wrecking his back (for the second time), when he talks about physical and mental injuries as an athlete is someone I have a lot of time for.

He said something I've been trying to put into words for a very long time, which applies to dance — also a professional sports career — as much as it does to cycling or climbing, all three I've devoted a lot of my life to at various times. And from the beginning I have struggled with that inevitable double bind of physically fit but not unscathed.

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Maghrib

The full moon marks halfway for Ramadan. Two weeks down, two to go.

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Gala Dries

Gala opening for Dries Van Noten at Paris Fashion Week. My Gala. That Dries. Antwerp Six Dries. I’m very in love with all this. I want to steal all the clothes and shoes.