abjection — rehearsal 1

It turns out getting me into a studio and rehearsing is as easy as booking the studio. Lucky for me that Theaterhaus Mitte have studios with dance floors and sun and a mirror and available by the hour and for €3 an hour. Yup, half a day rehearsing for the cost of lunch.

Well, to backtrack. This time last year I was banging around in exactly the same place, but on slightly better equipped right knee and ankles. The ankles’ achilles tendons decided to give out, I’m pretty sure because of my relentless jumping on the same floor minus the dance overlay, and while trying to do something that didn’t piss them off immensely (yoga), managed to ruin my meniscus. So, no rehearsing for quite a while, as I relearnt things. Not that I’m claiming to have relearnt successfully, just that I have a slightly different attitude to my body, and bashing about thoughtlessly is a thing of the past largely because I’m psychologically traumatised.

Not to say either I am healed and ready for jumps and floor rolls. I’ve only been able to get bum to heel in the last weeks, and completely unsure whether decrease in pain is because of things getting better, or because of ripping the painful bits completely loose. All rather boring really, and requiring orthopaedics who in Berlin tend to be mostly useless.

Rehearsing, then. Sunlight! uuuhh! Warming up in the sun. Weak, low-in-the-sky Berlin winter sun, but sun nonetheless, and a mirror also. Unlike last year when night rehearsals were the last word in excitement, today I had a good two hours of sun before the cloak dropped.

I’m being very gentle to start. I physically don’t really remember what I did last year, and I’m avoiding too much watching the videos partly because me thrashing on my knee makes me wince. I didn’t even know where to start besides where I’d finished, so back to black metal it was.

Music today was Gorgoroth and Mayhem. Anyone looking through the window would have seen a very sad, solitary headbanger. Gently headbanging. Having just read of Slayer’s Tom Araya of Slayer having his cervical vertebrae fused from excessive thrashing, gentle is a good start. Mostly I just stood in one spot and threw my arms around.

I messed around with another scene, but felt that eating my own earwax and snot was somehow at odds with the rehearsal space. Some things I think really need a dedicated couple of weeks locked away somewhere … somewhere rural so I can bury my clothes for a while to achieve the desirable stench.

Back there again tomorrow for a night rehearsal. I’m not sure I have the inspiration for five hours, but I’ll just force myself to stay there and work.