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häuslichkeit

I vacuum. Much hair. Häuslichwissenschaft. The grey fluff is, I suppose, mostly my skin. Grey and red. Occasional haferflocken. The kitchen is satisfying for the tinkling rattling barrage up the pipe. Fertig. Auch unüblich. Normalerweise, ich werde aus dem staubsaugen bis zulezt. Today I begin with the sucking of my sloughed off detritus. Before, I waxed my legs. Earlier I bought groceries.

Summer fruit. Half a kilo of Gooseberries, Stachelbeeren for €1. Blueberries, Blackberries… wait, Erdbeeren, Himbeeren, Brombeeren, Heidelbeeren, Johannisbeeren, und auch, Aprikosin, a kilo of Pfirische or Nektarine for 99 cents. A strange return of weiß Spargel. I buy for breakfast (not the Spargel), to go with Haferschleim, a better name than Haferbrei for porridge, I think. With yoghourt, honey, soya milk and coffee. Is precisely not decadent because the season for such fecund celebration lasts only a moment, all the while the sun creeping southwards, days becoming shorter.

Ballet. Awful feeling of my body from lack of caring for it. For a long time, I casually wondered if I needed to dance because of some intangible friction with myself, and that if I found an end to this irritation, so too would I then no longer need to dance. So, I was wrong. I discover though the entanglement with self passes, changes, becomes something new to grasp with tips of fingers, dance remains this thing of wonder, a constant struggle and delight and… ah, to have a sense of belonging, even in the most elusive of ways is something to keep.

I try to read, but the books are too heavy. I mean they weigh a lot. And dig into my sternum when I lie in bed.The smallest is at the bottom. Dear Walter B., are you crushed by the weight of Hanna, Theodor, and Berlin on top of you? (Not to mention Jorge Luis). I should have found my way to the bookshop, but now is too late.

More lights at the Brauerei. I play with my camera, learning firstly its familiar qualities, when I just take a photo, what does it look like. Then playing more with aperture, full manual… I don’t quite understand the relationship between aperture, ISO, shutter speed, exposure compensation, zoom length, focus… uh. Now I even confuse myself. I like the refinement of all this, though I suspect too, having had cameras where most of this was not possible, and having certain interests in what I take photos of, I would save all this for leisurely indulgence, maybe though setting up at the beginning and then click-click-click.