impulstanz – settlement… (perhaps day 2)

I ate prunes today. I went to find coffee, and found myself with chocolate croissant and mélange in a dainty pink cup and bag from Aida on the corner. On the way remembered as I saw it, the bio health food shop I used to frequent. Lunch then was bananas, a vegie burger and prunes.

And so much for yoga this morning instead chatting with a very old blog friend who is now living in LA and had at least two surprises for me to my one for her. We did quite a long warmup/class this morning, I felt like I was back at ADT doing bootcamp with AcroDan, much running and doing simple step patterns the length of the room, no tumbling though… I wanted a row of mats to flop around on. I always miss the things I suck at.

So why am I writing? We did quite a long and eventually physically tiring task of touching hands, pulling away, together, umm… not quite sure how to describe it, sometimes I get quite distracted. Eventually we sat in two rows with a middle-line and came together, slow, fast, talking, all go, all stop, all depart… various combinations, mostly in pairs occasionally in other arrangements.

So I am thinking again about what I wrote yesterday, relationships as connections or as romance and what to say about this. It is certainly easier, simpler, more coherently readable for two people to interact, both for themselves and for the viewers. I was trying to find a piece I read recently on kinship relations and the acceptability of certain sexual practices (or relationships) over others, succinctly reduced to the wonderful term, Vanilla Privilege. Another piece on fetish and the applicability of certain BDSM community ideas about relationships to genderqueer, notably that ‘your kink is ok’ as long as it’s ‘safe, responsible, consensual and respectful’.

And whatever does this have to do with settlement? I suppose firstly these last two days I’ve been playing with a group of 16 people and having some quite explicit directorial agendas to be submerged in. Since I finished pestilence I’ve been exhausted in terms of making performance, yet still thinking about what it is i am trying to create.

We have a pirate fantasy, me and some close friends, stealing a ship, renaming it, filling it with dancers and queers and people like us, stealing a theatre and trapping it in the hull for performances of our own amusement. It’s truthfully something I would like, along with a small herd of goats. It’s also a substantially clear metaphor of how we would like to live. We find ourselves in our recognition by others we desire. all the people… somewhat was a beginning or more conscious revisiting of this.

So I wonder in a settlement where there are already evolving communities and relationships, how possible it is for an understanding that recreating what we already know and live is not necessarily the corpus of this. Perhaps it’s not even a concern for the piece. Perhaps being here is just giving me time to imagine this a little more. I’m also thinking of Saint Uncle Judith… oh I lost the point here, watching her speak at the European Graduate School, talking about what it is to give an account of oneself. (oh, she was writing about the limits of intelligibility of relationships when using the heterosexual model as the basis.)

Hans played a video from The Knife, a song we’d been using during yesterday. A woman, blonde, thin and feminine, wearing a floral dress and heels is singing in a clubroom, bad lights, poor furniture. The audience in whatever scant chairs are filled is almost entirely male, old men, young guys, all a bit tracksuit boys and their dads. It’s shot in slow motion, and by the end they are all dancing, but… there is a menace and apprehension throughout because the singer has a certain ambiguity… well, it’s kinda obvious to me…